Along the road to eternity one meets all sorts of fellow travelers. Some keep in step along the entire way, some whizz through, leaving indelible memories behind; some fall out of step, fall behind, and are lost, some catch back up after a while. Some fellow travelers are destined to become road kill.
Yes, indeed, when I accidentally kill a relationship it is very like road kill. You know, when one day you are totally immersed in each other’s life (so I think) and the next day, poof, gone, dead as a doornail friendship. No explanations.
I never forget it. It makes me worried about every other relationship. I lose my choice making confidence. I mourn every time I think about it. Did I run over your feelings accidentally or did you jump in front of the oncoming destruction. Please just tell me what happened!
I like to think I am a caring, compassionate, loyal person; someone you would like to be a friend with. I have character flaws that might be off-putting. One being: I don’t trust easily, because for a while abandonment was my middle name. Death, divorce, disloyalty have all left significant scars on my mental landscape. But if I do trust you and I open my heart to you I expect you to be on that eternal road with me for a good long time, because I am loyal. Disposable is not a word I use as an adjective in front of friend.
On bad days, I pick open those memories. Am I really such a bad friend? Why did I think we were friends? And boy, do I wish I knew the answer.
Because I miss you,still.
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