Tuesday, February 28, 2012

ROAD KILL

Along the road to eternity one meets all sorts of fellow travelers.  Some keep in step along the entire way, some whizz through, leaving indelible memories behind; some fall out of step, fall behind, and are lost, some catch back up after a while. Some fellow travelers are destined to become road kill.
Yes, indeed, when I accidentally kill a relationship it is very like road kill. You know, when one day you are totally immersed in each other’s life (so  I think) and the next day, poof, gone, dead as a doornail friendship.  No explanations.  
 I never forget it.  It makes me worried about every other relationship.  I lose my choice making confidence.  I mourn every time I think about it.  Did I run over your feelings accidentally or did you jump in front of the oncoming destruction.  Please just tell me what happened!
I like to think I am a caring, compassionate, loyal person; someone you would like to be a friend with. I have character flaws that might be off-putting.  One being:  I don’t trust easily, because for a while abandonment was my middle name.  Death, divorce, disloyalty have all left significant scars on my mental landscape. But if I do trust you and I open my heart to you I expect you to be on that eternal road with me for a good long time, because I am loyal.  Disposable is not a word I use as an adjective in front of friend.
On bad days, I pick open those memories.  Am I really such a bad friend?  Why did I think we were friends?  And boy, do I wish I knew the answer. 
Because I miss you,still.

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